I Wonder What Happened !!!!!

I was talking to Rachel and all communications from her shut down.

I tried to call her and it rang and rang and rang... I tried twice. I am really worried now

I don't know what to do... I have Jon's number, but I am reluctant to call him as I honestly don't know what I would really say to him. I don't know what happened.

I have to assume that if anything really bad happened, she would call him anyway.

I am going out of my gourd trying to figure it all out. I can't believe she simply shut me off without telling me. We usually leave our systems on all day on Wednesdays anyway, no matter what.
It's been over 2 hours... this is really getting to me, I am scared for her.

Update: Rachel signed in and told me she had a power failure.

Another Bad Day at Work

I got written up twice in one day.

It's rediculous what I was written up for. I was in management for over 30 years and If I were again in the position to deal with employees... thinge would be very different.

If I were financially able, I would quit this job.
We have all become a number... no longer a person.

There was a time, not long ago, that I was very proud to tell anyone that would listen how happy I was to work for Ace Hardware.

Now I can honestly tell the same people how disgusted I am with them.

Am I Really Going Down Hill ???

Some say "Life is a Bitch, Then You Die"

Tuesday night I had my annual evaluation, it was horrible. It was the worst I have ever recieved from the Ace Store.

Last year I got the very best evaluation I ever got. What Happened ????

Maybe I am getting old as it seems I can't meet the standards they want anymore.

Well.... I am not ready to die yet.

Doreen will not adopt the 4 children after all

It's really a shame for the children

These 4 children were from Ohio and up for adoption because their father sexually abused them. Their mother was killed in an auto accident, leaving them orphans. The oldest is 14 going down to 11, 9 and 5 years old.
Apparently they all have some real lasting psychological problems.

The oldest felt she had to eliminate her new foster parents before adoption. No one seems to really know why. She actually attempted to kill Doreen while in her sleep, but Bob, her husband woke up in the nick of time and was able to stop her.
She has been turned over to Child Services. The other 3 supposedly were in on the plot, so they are going back to Ohio to the Orphanage.

This is a real shame for the kids as they would have had a wonderful home and Doreen would have shown all the love and caring a real mother would have.

It's a terrible waste....

Anniversary Day Scare

Yesterday was our 52nd wedding anniversary, I was at work and feeling very dizzy after being there for about an hour.
I was trying to make myself believe it would go away, but it didn't.

Doris was called and came to the store and took me home.

I felt it would go away, but as the day progressed, it became obvious that it wasn't going away. I finally decided to go to the Emergency Room of the hospital.
I had a bunch of tests and it was concluded that I had "Vertigo".
Actually, I had an EKG, 5 types of blood tests, a CAT scan and a urine test.
I am on medication for vertigo right now and I am not to report to work til Friday. I guess I will use a couple of vacation days to cover my time so I will get paid.
Many of the symptoms appeared to be similar to a stroke, so we were all worried about that, thank god it wasn't.

I was surprised that many of my co-workers were interested in my welfare as they called us periodically to check on my progress. I didn't know they cared that much. It made me feel good.

Bad News

My son-in-law's dad has been taken to the hospital and is not responsive to anything.
His side of the family has gathered to make the decision to pull the plug on his life support.
He is only 4 or 5 years older than me, so that sort of concerns me.

I have created a "Living Will" that is part of my medical file so if I should ever have a similar problem, the family would not have to make such a decision.

I will keep you posted as to the status.

Update... Jeff's Dad did die from complications.

Mid Summer Post.... Update

It's been quite a while since I posted any information.

Lots has happened, but I have been so wrapped up with everything else that I forgot to keep after this posting.
There is good stuff to report and bad stuff too. Lets do the bad stuff first.
I visited my family in Georgia and my brother Ronnie has lost so much weight that he is about 125 pounds or less. My whole family in Georgia is not doing very well financially either.

Lisa has Multiple Sclerocis and it's beginning to take it's toll. She has lost more than 50% of her business and is in danger of losing her home. Her husband is a severe diabetic and can't get a job even though he has loads of experience and college diplomas to support his efforts.

My daughter Kim is still out of work and I am supporting her as before. I can't keep this up as I will have to claim bankruptcy if this continues.

My other brother, John.. is also not working and the kennel business breeding St Bernards is not doing well as people just can't afford to pay $1500 or even more for a pure bred dog. John's wife, Denise, has a job, but it doesn't pay very much. If it wasn't for Ronnie's Social Security checks... I don't think they could make it.
I really need to win the lottery so I can salvage my family and myself.

Doris is failing and refuses to quit smoking to get better. I do a lot of the housework to keep things going. She is able to cook decent meals, but refuses to bake anything anymore. Those fantastic meals she used to make are very few and far apart. Oh well, we took an oath, "Til Death Do We Part". So that's the way it will end.

Me personnally, well .. I am failing too. I write to Rachel on the Yahoo messenger and I am skipping words, mis-spelling words and sometimes repeating myself. I usually don't realize I have made those mistakes right away. I was always so fussy about details and was upset when others did that..... now I am doing it.
Also, my co-workers have pointed out that I seem to make more mistakes than I should.
One co-worker was 80 yrs old and died the other day and another being 75 yrs old has been removed from the daily work force leaving me (at 73) the last of the old timers that can actually help people that have real problems with electrical, plumbing and renovations. The company hired a bunch of young people that have absolutely NO EXPERIENCE in the trades and it's already causing problems.
I am taking pain pills every night. I am supposed to take 2 pills, but lately I am taking 3 pills just before going to bed.
My hands are so sensitive to abrasions that sometimes the slightest touch on the back of my hand will make it bleed. The doctor says "It's mildly aging skin" ... Bull Shit !!!!
When I went to Georgia for 10 days the condition stopped and started back up when i came home. And of course, my feet are killing me when I come home from being on my feet for 8 or 9 hours on a concrete floor.

Ok, that's enough of the bad stuff, time to talk about the good stuff.

I have an arrangement with a company to purchase GOLD. I am building a nice portfolio of real gold coins. It's already worth quite a lot.

My friend, Rachel is a god sent to me as I depend on her chats every day. It gives me a start in the mornings and calms me in the evening. I don't think she knows how important it is for me to have a short chat with her in the mornings and also in the evenings, just before going to bed. I sometimes feel empty when she misses to chat in the mornings.
I hope that when Rachel is my age, she has a lot more friends than I do. She is my only friend in the whole world right now. It's an awful feeling to be so alone at near the end of my life. I honestly don't believe Rachel knows how much her friendship means to me. She is all I have left as far as a really good confidential friend that I trust implicitly. I would be literally lost without her to chat with every day. I feel so very close to her as if she was my very own daughter.

Doris is my wife and it's not the same thing. I can say anything to Rachel, I think twice about stuff I talk to Doris about as she can be very argumentative about some things I bring up. Rachel has no immediate stake in it so she can be informative, she can agree or disagree and I don't feel upset as I would if and when Doris does that to me.
I am so glad she has maintained me as my very best friend for these 3 years plus.
Rachel and family are going on vacation for 2 weeks in August, not sure exactly when, but it will be a long 2 weeks for me. I am sure they will all have a wonderful time, at least I hope so.

Andy and his wife, Michelle are doing well financially. Michelle just got a job with the state run institution ( jail ) for big time criminals. Pays extremely well. She works as a cook there.

I have discussed a change in my hours at work and they have agreed, so I will be reporting to work at 11: am during the week and at 10: am on Saturdays.

Andy and I went halvies and bought a pontoon boat. It's a beautiful boat and Andy has updated it with a new rug and CD sound stereo system.

I bought a brand new laptop computer, wow... what a deal. $479 for a computer from Best Buy that would have cost $1800 to $2100 at Walmart.
I guess now and then you catch a good deal.

That's it for now. !!!!!

My Time May Be Coming

It's been a very long time since I have written anything here.
There is so much to say and I am not sure where to start.
First, let's go back a ways and talk about last summer, or at least the end of summer. I tend to keep a lot to myself, but I talk to Rachel about a lot of stuff, never anyone here at home.
I have been feeling lots of pain in places I don't even mention to my wife. Of course, when I say anything to her, she just says she has pains too. So she doesn't want to hear it.
Another friend died, and I just took it like a man and didn't grieve.
My brother Ronnie, is becoming a vegetable and actually says out loud that he is waiting to die.
About 2 years ago, my golden retriever died on my kitchen floor and I held it inside too.
I made a terrible mistake in judgement and lied and betrayed my best friends husband, Jon Neil. That bothers me a lot, it was a despicable thing to do, I pray for his forgiveness, but I am afraid to ask for it. Right now I couldn't handle rejection. I think the worst part of it is, I am not sure why I did it anymore as I can't remember the details of it, just that I did it.
Now my St. Bernard had to be put down and I can't hold things anymore. Everything is catching up to me and I can hardly deal with it.
It's making me very depressed, I take pills every night to kill pain, but mostly to get to sleep. I also cry a lot for what seems to be no reason.
I think about suicide every day and how I would do it. My final conclusion on that is ... I would use the semi-automatic pistol.
I have looked into my life insurance, and it will pay, so my family will not be held liable for my bills.
I want to talk to my family, but when I do, they are always so busy and really don't have time for me any more. I still pay Kim's bills, but she hasn't talked to me in months and when she does, it's always a very short conversation... cell phone minutes, she says.
The only one I have left is my very best friend Rachel. Thank God for her. She talks to me every day. I love her as if she was my real daughter and would be devastated if something happened to her, or if, for some dumb reason, she stopped talking to me.
I never told her, but I get up an hour earlier than I would need to in order to be sure to have enough time to chat with her before I go to work. Of course, by the time she gets her kids ready for school and is able to chat, we usually only have about 20 minutes or so... sometimes more.
She seems somehow different since her last bout with depression, I think it's the meds she is taking. Also, maybe she is guarded as to what she says to me any more as it's no longer private.
Regardless of all that, I am very happy for her as she has started a business that seems to be growing and has salvaged her marriage.
I would lie, cheat, steal and maybe even give my life for her as I would for any one of my blood line children even though she is not related to me that way. And if you don't believe that, just ask Jon Neil, I'm sure he will support that concept.
I know she doesn't believe in God, but I do, and I pray for her and her family every night, including Jon. I guess it's my belief in God and my friendship with Rachel that keeps me from pulling the trigger. If I lost one, or both, I think I would follow through and do it.
I am looking into getting another pet for us both to attend to as Doris and I are so lonely right now. All we do is pick at each other, so we need something in the middle like a new pet to care for and to love us.
Today is the last day of January - 2010... I wonder what February holds for me.
I will do my best to deal with my problem as I don't want to lay it on Rachel as she has enough to deal with.
I have only one more question to ask myself, If I won the lottery for millions, would that solve my problems. Probably not, I would still be depressed.
But if I do win, I would keep my promise to Rachel.
She will always be the very best friend I have ever had in my entire life and I will try to keep it that way until the day I die.
Bottom line... I have to fight the impulse every day, who knows, someday I may lose the fight.
Let's hope it's not tomorrow.