My Friend Still Has Moods, But Not As Bad

It seems as though my friend is still having bouts with her Obsession. I really believe that if she keeps fighting the urge, it will eventually go away. She has recognized that the obsessed is doing his best to ignore her and sees her as a non person or just another roll in the hay.
I am hopeful that with the proper treatment and her inner strength, she can beat this thing. She knows that I will be here to assist her, if I can.

It's Going To Take A While

My Best Friend's problem has been diagnosed as "Borderline Personality Disorder". New medicine, plus some of the old meds have been prescribed. She seems OK, but underneath, I know she is fighting her obsession daily.
She keeps herself busy creating Blogs to keep her mind occupied, as most of them may never be seen by very many people.

Her husband is willing to literally go broke, if that's what it takes to pay for her treatment. he told me it will cost between $450 to $550 per visit to the doctor. His very words were "It's only money and I would rather be broke with Rachel than the alternative". I didn't ask what the alternative, in his eyes, would be.

There is only one way to remove the potential of another problem and that is distance. It would take one of them moving away from Strathmore to avoid any intentional or un-intentional contact. Any kind of contact makes it extremely difficult to maintain composure.

I know how she feels as I too had an obsession about 21 years ago and I had a very hard time getting over it. Distance was the only answer. It's funny though, all through it, I still loved my wife and would always come back to her.

I pray for her daily !!!

I Am Recovering

Today is Sunday - last night I was able to sleep in bed rather than on the couch. I am not so sure I got as good sleep as I was getting on the couch. I woke up at least 4 times and didn't
go back to sleep right away. After I got up, I had a backache and a few other aches and pains I didn't have before. Of course, after I was up for about an hour, the aches and pains dissipated.

The couch allows contour but the bed is FLAT, that is probably the difference.

My Friend Is Back

Today is the second day that I have had a lot of conversation with my best friend. Thank god she is back to normal, as I remember normal. She is being treated for her personality disorder and it seems to be working fine. She is so important to me as I look forward to talking with her every day and sharing her home-maker type problems.

I had a bad night, as I had a lot of pain from the inserted pads used to repair my hernia. I hope tonight is better. Off and on all day today i was feeling the same pains.

Somehow Things Are Different

Today is the second day that I feel shut out of my best friend's life. I used to get up and the very first thing I would do is get on the computer to see if she was on her computer. I would start a conversation and it would last until one of us had to leave to do something. I would wait until she got back to start talking again.

The greatest majority of our discussions were just idle chit-chat, but we are connected through our online businesses. I came to care for her so strongly that I decided to look at her as my adopted daughter and she played along. We shared some very confidential information about our lives and family members. I actually felt as though I was a part of her family due to the detailed information she was giving me, such as, what Chandler was having for breakfast or that Emma was not out of bed yet and had to go to school.

If I am shut out, it will leave a tremendous void in my life that I am not sure how I will handle, as she has become such a great part of my life. I realize that she is having a lot of medical problems right now, but I have repeatedly said that I would help in any way I could, even if all I could do is simply talk to her.

I try to work my on-line businesses, but it's no fun anymore without her to talk to when I am doing stuff. We would share ideas, letters and much more, just to keep a good work related climate. I sincerely hope things get back to the way it was. Her problems have affected me far more than I would have expected.

I pray for her and her family every day and I hope she has not shut me out and this is just me being paranoid.

UPDATE

I just spoke to Jon and he updated me on My Best Friends condition. I had written her an e-mail last night indicating that I thought she had a personality problem and Jon told me she has a personality disorder as diagnosed by her medical doctors. I was hoping I was wrong, but it looks like I was right. That's the reason I thought she shut me out - she hasn't.

I Was Caught By Surprise

Today is Sunday, Sept 21, and I received an e-mail from Rachel, saying that she shared her inner-most secrets with her husband. Not only did she share them, she told him that she would drop everything and go with this man she is obsessed with. All he had to do is ask.
I really believed that she was recovering from all of that and things were going OK. I was wrong.

Rachel needs to recognize that this is an obsession and not love, in any way, shape or form. I want to help her, but I am too far away to be immediately available when she would need me. We all have obsessions in one shape or another. Gambling is an obsession, drinking is an obsession, especially if the drinker is not an alcoholic and sex is an obsession too. Her obsession seems to be targeted to just one person that could care less for her. She has told me that he looks at her as a whore or worse.
She has other friends that live close to her and I think they are doing their best to get her through all of this.

I am so sad for her and feel almost helpless, but I will keep on trying as long as she keeps talking to me. I have gotten to know her over the last year and a half and she is a good person and deserves a good life. I will keep on trying.

I have asked her to talk to me, and she does, but impulsively does things that if she were to ask about, I would advise her a little different, but with good results.

It's Been 11 Days

It's friday Sept. 19th and it's been 11 days since the hernia repair operation. The area around the operation is always hot compared to the opposite side. At night it hurts quite a lot, in fact, it pulsates pain.
When I sit or bend over, I can feel the pads he placed inside of me. They feel like they are 2 inches wide and 3 inches long and there are two of them. I wasn't aware that they would be felt all the time. Certain ways I move, it hurts just from them.
I have an appointment next week with the surgeon and I will discuss this with him. If it gets worse, I might try to see him sooner.
I have been sleeping on the couch for the last 3 nights and before that on the recliner. I really want to sleep in my bed, but I have tried to lie down in bed and it hurts. The bed is too flat and the recliner and the couch has contour, so it doesn't hurt.
I am going to try to sleep in the bed tonight anyway and see what happens.

I Am So Happy For Her

My best friend, Rachel won the prize at the webinar last night. It was $250. She is such a comfort to me. I have become so accustomed to talking to her every day, I don't know how I would feel if she suddenly wasn't there. I Pray for her every day.

Doris had another attack on her sight this morning. I am getting a little worried about that. Also, she is being really nice the last few days. That's a big plus around here.

I haven't heard much from Kim lately since I cut the funds. Doris said she spoke to her for a couple of minutes but just to say Hello and such, nothing in detail.

I'm Happy For My Best Friend Yet Concerned

I am happy for Rachel for many reasons. She seemed so happy today about a lot of things. I only wish every day would be that good for her. I wish she could get past her lows without the use of Weed. Of course, that's wishful thinking. I guess the only concern I would have is while she is puffy-wuffing in the house, the kids are also breathing in the same stuff. If the school were to have a random urine check, like they do here in the states, and Emma would read positive - what would happen then???
My Prayers are with her and her whole family, every day.

Another noteworthy thing to share is that Doris has been exceptionally nice the last couple of days. I hope this keeps it up as it creates a really nice atmosphere here. Doreen spoke to her for a couple of hours yesterday, also Lisa talked to her too. Is there a connection??? Maybe !!!

It's Been A Week

Today is monday and it's been a week since I was operated on. I feel a lot better now even though I can't bend over to pick up something I might drop. (Which I have done).
I don't know how I would have made it this far without access to my laptop. I have been able to keep in touch with the on-line businesses and aquaintences. Most of all, I am able to communicate with my very best friend every day. I feel so trapped here, but I know I will get better, so that's my light at the end of the tunnel.

I still have another operation to go, so I will have to get better from this ASAP so I can endure another painful experience. This time it's the foot and I won't be able to walk very much. I am not looking forward to the foot job and I have been thinking about checking into alternatives.
I guess the question I must ask myself, "Am I getting too old for this kind of medical activity."
I guess if I don't make it it through the next one, then we will know for sure, but then, hey I am only 71 - I have many years to go.

Walking around home or even anywhere else other than work (8hrs a day) seems not to bother me, but the constant hammering of walking on concrete is what I couldn't handle with broken toes.

Today Is A Great Day

Today is Saturday and I have been able to Pooh for the first time in 6 days - Finally !!!! HOORAY !!! I guess the Citrucel did it's job.
I know if I wouldn't have been able to go, I would be back in the hospital. I hope that all will be back to normal, at least the immediate concern is over.
Oh yes, the pain, pushing was all I could bear, but it had to be done.
Phychologically, I feel good, but physically - it still hurts.

I Am So Glad

My feelings seem to go up and down the past few days, I feel good, I feel sick, I feel tired, I have fevers, and sometimes, I'm not sure.
I am so glad that I have someone to talk to that doesn't pick at my feelings. Maybe someday I can return the favor.

I Don't Understand

Doris and I haven't had 20 words between us today, but she accused me of being nasty and uncaring. She said I am giving her a hard time all day. Sometimes I joke about arguing with her for fun, but I never do it - because it's not fun, it's just hurtful.
I know she is also in pain as her knee and lower leg is bothering her. She has been to doctors and she is looking for a quick fix, but wont accept that her problem is SMOKING. She just won't quit and I think it has affected her in other ways. I am on my very best behavior today to see what happens now.

I Am Getting Worried Again

I am running a fever again, but I was Ok 2 hours ago. I am wondering if the stool back-up is causing it. I had a banana and two peaches for lunch. I intend to have a salad for supper, anything that has ruffage in it. I will have to take the pills to keep down the temperature, but I am handling the pain. I will also take another dose of Citrucel and hope for the best.

If things have not changed by tomorrow noon, I will call the doc's office. I know there is something wrong. At least, this doctor won't ignore me as the one did 5 years ago.

I Took A Walk

I know if I don't walk, I will get pneumonia. So, I forced myself to walk to the school and back. I used a cane and my strides were only 6 to 8 inches apart (pee-pee-steps). It took me 20 minutes to walk a 5 minute walk.
I have to continue to do the lung exercises as instructed. All these years and it took something like this to have someone instruct me how to clean my lungs. All I have to do is take 10 very deep breaths and hold each one for 3 seconds. Then exhale each one as if it were almost a cough, but not a cough. Do this 2 or 3 times a day and it will bring up all the nasty flem in my lungs that also cause pneumonia. I didn't know that I also had Apnia (I snore heavily) and when I was placed under the Anesthestic, I lost control and couldn't breath. They had to push an airway down my throat very fast, and because of that, I am still coughing up bloody flem with the exercises I am doing.
Doris is really going out of her way for my every whim, but she still is crabby about the little things. She says her leg and knee hurts, so I will blame her attitude on that

Today Is The Second Full Day

Today is the second full day out of the hospital. Everything still hurts pretty bad. I am going to evaluate whether I should postpone the foot surgery or cancel it all together. I will wait two weeks and then make a decision. It just might be too soon for another operation.

I have not defecated for 3 days and that's not good. I have used Citrucel stool softener and nothing yet, just a lot of gas. Of course, I haven't eaten very much either. I can't sit on the throne and push either, as the pain would be unbearable. I will double up on the laxitive as I think the pain killers are binding me.
I am going to stop taking the pain pills and see how bad it really gets. Maybe I don't need them but I don't know for sure. There is always going to be some pain, so we will see.

Doris is being very helpful, but I wish she would keep quiet and not pick at everything I say and do. Doris must be the only person in the world that is never wrong. Oh well, maybe she is just as upset over my condition as I am - I think I will think of it that way.

I Am Home

The doctor told me and Doris that a lot of my problems were created by the operation that I had August 4, 2003. Some of the severe pain and weird feelings were a direct result of a botched job by the Surgical Urological Specialists.

Funny, I had always suspected there was a problem there from that operation. I had asked my doctor (Dr. Miller) to look into it and get a copy of the medical records. The urologist's office procrastinated over and over as Dr. Miller made more than one effort to obtain them. Dr. Miller died and was never able to follow up. As far as I am concerned, they got away with it purely based on making money. The "No Good Basturds"

In this country, it's a well known fact that after a period of 2 years, you do not have any legal grounds to stand on. They deliberately held up the files because they probably felt that I was going to sue them. My goal at that time was just to get better. I had testicular cancer and they removed the infected one, not only leaving me a half a man but left me with pain that I have endored for 5 years. Had this doctor not been a friend, I may never have known how bad it was.
You could have knocked me ofer with a feather when he said that, but he also made it clear that he repaired everything including the hernia.
Thank God for a decent doctor.

Today is the big day

Sept. 8, 2008.
I know it's supposed to be just a repair thing, but I am really worried.
We will see.

I Feel Better Now !!!

Later Today
I have had some contact with Rachel and Jon and I am happy that all seems OK today.
I know she has a family to take care of, but I wish she had more time to spend talking to me. I guess I am just being selfish. It's just that I don't have anyone else.

Update on Kim !!!
Somehow, she signed a contract with Verizon that has driven her phone debt to over $600 and she doesn't have it. Since it's not a necessity, I will not pay it for her and her boyfriend. Her neighbor lets her use her phone when necessary and she can use the phone at work too.
I told Doris that she will have to get out of this one herself, besides they are both working now.

I Pray There Is No Problem

I spoke to Jon yesterday, via Yahoo Messenger, and he told me that Rachel was really in a low. I hope she soon recovers from this. Jon really loves her as a husband and of course, so does her children and family. Then there is me. I feel so bad as I can't really be there to console her. All I can do is continue to talk to her and try to keep her mind off her problems and on other stuff.

I was really surprised to find out from Jon, that he supported the friendship between Rachel and me. Up until then, I somehow felt that he was not supportive of it. He flatly asked me to keep up the friendship and that he would never stand in the way of that. He felt that my influence on her was very positive. That was important for me to know.

Her and Jon went out last night, with a third friend, and so far this morning, I haven't heard a word from either of them.

I pray there is no problem !!!

I don't know Jon as well as Rachel, but it's obvious that she has stumbled into a Gold Mine when it comes to Jon, he loves her so much and will stand by her - no matter what. That is really rare in todays' world.

A Sense of Accomplishment

September 6, 2008
I have finally been able to keep my daughter, Kim, from using the credit card. She has placed me into debt farther than any other debt that I have. I told Doris to tell her that she only had a few more days to get what ever she needed and it would be out of date. I decided NOT to send her the new card. This is a "Tough Love" decision but she must begin to figure out how to make her own living now. She is 44 years old. I will help her if she really has a problem that she absolutely must need money to solve, as any father would.

I can't talk to Kim like I can with Lisa and Doreen. I don't know why. She only shares information with her mother. She won't even talk to me when she wants money, she always talks to her mother and Doris always says - Go Ahead, don't worry, I will clear it with your Dad.

I called and asked Doreen and Lisa if they might know why Doris (my wife) is always so nasty to me. Well, not always, but most of the time. They both said that she is still dwelling on the one time I was unfaithful. At that time we were both 25 years old. Lisa and Doreen, both have talked to her in great length, but she just don't want to listen. It's been 46 years since this happened and she hasn't forgiven or forgot. All these TV shows that dwell on adultry just puts salt on the wound and feeds her fury. Like the "Maury" show.
Sometimes she seems to not be really with us and constantly asks "What's today?" Lisa thinks that it's possible that a very mild form of Dimentia could be the cause as she has also realized that she seems to have a slight problem. She is 71 and that by it's self could be the problem.

I know she still loves me but, sex has become a memory. She pushes me away, saying that she is not feeling well or that something hurts. I have just given up on that, at least for now.

My Daily Thoughts

September 5, 2008
Today was a pretty good day. I didn't have much pain today, so I was able to get some work done on my websites. I sent out about 327 e-mails today to get things up and going.
I bought 2000 HOT leads for $25 and I will start to use them tomorrow.

I am very worried about my best friend, she is obsessing about someone and it is eating her up alive. She has a good friend that lives next door that is doing her best to keep her occupied. I have a unique relationship with her as I am 71 and she is 34 - I call her My Canadian Daughter and I love her as one. I love to kid her about adopting her, sometimes she goes along with it and other times I am not sure. I am doing my best to keep her involved in her websites and advise her as best I can on anything she may ask me about. We used to talk for hours with e-mails and later using the Yahoo Messenger.

I have an operation scheduled for hernia repair, but I am worried about it as the last time I was operated on in that area, I almost died of blood loss. I also have another operation scheduled for October the 8th on my foot. Something dropped on my foot (at work) and I took the Macho approach and didn't do anything about it. Anytime you go under the knife at my age, it's risky.

Sometimes, I have a very hard time talking to my wife (Doris) as she either says she already knows that or she is watching something on TV and feels that I am interupting her. She has become very sharp when I talk to her any more and wants the bottom line first and then won't listen to the middle.

So at the moment I am on a medical leave from my job at the Ace Hardware store and it's really tough being home and no one to talk to except those I talk to on the web. All my closest friends are deseased or I lost track of them and can't find them as they must have relocated and not told me. I feel so alone, except for my internet friend. I wish I could hug her just one time, but I fear that may never happen, but I never lose hope.