Today Is Christmas Day

We didn't have a lot to share with each other, but we had enough. We opened our gifts and then we had breakfast. It was a bright Sunny day but, it was cold.
All the kids called us to wish us a Merry Christmas and we called a lot of other family members to do the same.
Andy and Michelle came over with Amber and Austin to share the Holiday and some gifts.
Doris ate a lot more today than she has been eating, so I think maybe that problem is over. She still seems very weak and feels the need to take two or three naps during the day.
All in all, I think this has been a pretty good Christmas considering all that has been going on here concerning our health conditions and hospital stays.
So, all I can say is "Merry Christmas to all and to all a Good Night".

I'm Getting A Little Worried

Doris isn't hardly eating anything. She has lost 10 pounds since she came home. That's way too much for such a short period of time.
I am doing my best to take care of her, but I am getting worn out. Last night and a couple of hours this morning, I was getting chest pains and getting out of breath too easily. I seemed to be OK after a while, but it did worry me at the time.
Also, I noticed that she is becoming very dependant on me, even the little things.
I honestly don't know what to do. What if something happened to me, she wouldn't be able to assist me and of course, I wouldn't be able to do anything for her. That would be a real disaster.

As they say, "Life's a bitch and then you die"

Doris is Home From The Hospital

Doris came home on Sunday afternoon. The list of prescriptions she has is staggering. I had to create a chart to go by in order to make sure she was able to take all the medicines at the right time every day.
She is so weak she can't do hardly anything in the house. She said, yesterday, that she wants to do what she always did, but doesn't feel strong enough.
She hardly eats anything all day and I am really worried about that too.
I am trying to be the strong one through all of this as it's necessary to get things done.
I have to do the house work and work my job too. I am beat every day.
It's not going to be a very good Christmas this year as I too was laid up for 3 months with no money coming in. Now I am able to work, but I don't feel as strong as I should feel.
Thank God I am able to take care of her and do all I have to do also.

Life Has Been a Real Bitch Lately !!!

We have been really sick lately.
First Doris, then me. I don't know what we have, but it just won't quit. I am pretty much over my illness, but Doris is still very sick and it doesn't seem to get better.
We have beaten a path to the emergency room / hospital and the family doctor. No matter what they do for her, it doesn't seem to help.
She hasn't slept well in over a week and it's becoming obvious to me that she is getting weaker.
She is 71, but always strong as an ox. I hope that strength will prevail. There is nothing more I can do that I haven't already done to help her. The rest is up to her and her maker.
I don't quite know what I would do if she died.

I Wonder What's Going To Happen Next

Rachel has quit the Berry Tree for the last time. All connection to me is gone. She has said we are still friends, I really hope so. Down through the months and e-mails we have shared, I think I know her better than I might know my own daughters.
Life goes on and we have to accept it or die. I don't like accepting it, but I don't like dying either.
She has always been as good as her word, I hope she stays that way.
I'm really sad about it, but I will get over it. (I hope)

Doing My Best To Help

I am doing my best to help people that I know and those I care for dearly. I pray for all those that need it and try to get involved with the problems that they are having, but it seems like it's not enough. People are getting sick all around me and they are having other problems that I am trying to deal with.
I give my money away, I give people the shirt off my back and finally, I give my heart away. It doesn't seem to be enough sometimes.
My grand daughter and her son (my great grandson) are living in a house that is heavily infected with mold spores. This could kill them, but they can't sell a house like that and basically don't have anywhere else to go. I don't know what I can do for them, my house is too small. Doreen has offered, but, so far no one has said yes or no to that. Her husband would would have to relocate and get another job and that's tough right now.
My best friend, Rachel, has lost her downline in The Berry Tree and was totally shut out of the Autobuilder and Nutronix. I really feel if she sent in a "Ticket" to them they would re-instate her membership, but they won't rebuild the downline. So, I must take on that responsibility to try to do that, she must also apply herself to that end also. I have placed her in the same catagory as my own daughters or a member of my immediate family. I know it's a fantasy, but I really feel that way about her. That's what makes me feel obligated to do what I can to help her.
I will keep on trying and hope for the best.
Christmas is almost upon us and we are not going to be able to give the kind of gifts we usually do. Money is so tight and I was out of work for 3 months, which cost me about $3000 in lost wages. Thank god I still have my job to rebuild with. I really feel for those that don't.

I Am Back To Work

I went back to work on Nov. 17 2008 at 11:00am - Full Time.

It's good to get out of the house and see people again. I was going stir crazy, sitting around the house waiting to heal up enough to go back to work. If I wouldn't have had Rachel to talk to every day, I'm not sure what I would have done.
I must admit that I do feel better after a hard days work as the terrible pains I had before are not there any more.
They are working me harder than ever before, with more hours. I have to go in on Wednesday at 4:o'clock (for 3 lousy hours) just so the Boss can get off early to start his thanksgiving early. Thanksgiving is on Thursday 27th this year.
We have made plans to go to Doreen's house for ThanksGiving Dinner, so that means we must get the dog to the "Pet Retreat" on Wednesday (before 4:pm) in order to leave for Doreen's house on Thursday morning. Doreen is thrilled that we are going to be there.
I figured it out and I lost a little over $3000.00 in lost pay by being out of work and I used almost all of our savings to survive during that period. I could have never have made it if I was out of work another month.
I shut down everything I had going on the web, except The Berry Tree and Cash Leveraging.
Cash Leveraging is already paid for so it would be stupid not to continue it.
I have been called "The Eternal Optimist", I am still optimistic about the Berry Tree and still have hopes that it really will be my salvation, as it was supposed to be. I had to shut Kim 's BT down, as I couldn't afford it any more.
I still play lottery tickets, who knows, I just might win - you never know.

I thank God I have Rachel and a job to go back to. Also, for being a little more able to function after my operations. My family is doing well, so these are the things I am thankful for on this ThanksGiving. Kim is the only one we, as a family, will have to find some help for, as she is being thrown out of her boyfriends house. She has no car or money. I am not sure what we will do to assist her, but we will come up with something, with God's help.

We Got Scammed

My best friend got scammed BIG TIME and I got scammed for $198.00.
There was a website that was called "My turn 4 Bux" and I was going to get into it as it seemed to pay 11.06% per day on any investment over $350.00. She put $350 into it and it was reporting every day $38.71. She decided that she would open another account for her husband and placed $400.00 in it. Again, reports were coming in about how much they were making, but when she asked for a pay out, it was always pending. Being over-joyed by this apparent and sudden wealth, she decided to go the limit the site would allow. That was $7500.00.
She had kept in contact with me on all of the trans-actions and I got caught up in the frenzy. I recommended it to a relative of my wife, but he only placed $50 in it to run a test, as he put it. I also, being caught up in it moved $400.00 to Alert Pay so I could get some of that easy money.
In the interum, the site shut down and simply kept everyone's money and there seems to be no way to get it back. She lost all her money, my wifes relative lost his $50, but I lucked out, Alert Pay had not given me permission to use any of the money transferred, so I got spared on that one.
However, I was informed by another friend that I could invest in something called "MegaLido", so I invested $198 in MegaLido.Com, as that same friend was sceptical about 4-Bux . She kept saying that 4-Bux seemed too good to be true and that I should wait until she gave me the OK to get in. So, I waited. Thank God I waited, but, after she got me into MegaLido, I couldn't believe it, I got scammed too for my $198.00. This has not been a good week for either of us, as she is almost wiped out and I really can't afford to lose either.
I feel so bad for my best friend, I promised her that if I were to come into any kind of real money, like the lottery or Publishers Clearing house, I would make her whole again.
I am buying lottery tickets tonight.

Here are the sites that scammed us.
https://www.myturn4bux.com/
http://www.megalido.com/

May they both ROT IN HELL for what they have done to so many people.

Things Are Getting Better

Today is Saturday, Nov. 15 - 2008.

Today is the last official day of my medical leave and I will return to work, full time on Monday, Nov. 17-2008. I am glad as I really need the money. My savings account is about empty and my business account is also going broke. I couldn't go another month without a payday.
I got a call from my daughter, Lisa, and she has been offered a managerial level position with "Home Depot" for about $70,000 a year. WOW, I am so Proud of her. She was asking me a lot of questions as to how to handle certain things and I did my best to properly advise her.
Thanksgiving is this month and we do have something to be thankful for.

Our Friend, Bill Conlon, Died Today

We first met Bill and his wife, Shirley about 15 years ago. We became neighbors when we moved to a rental home, next door, between buying another home. My wife got along with Shirley as though they were sisters and Bill and I hit it off right away.
Bill and Shirley would sit on their front porch on nice days during the summer months all the time. People would stop and sit with them, off and on all day long. I gave them the nick name of "The Porch People". Doris would go there 2 to 3 times a week just to talk. Sometimes, I would go too.
Because of their contact with so many people every day, there wasn't anything going on in our community that they didn't know something about.
Bill got cancer about 8 months ago and it was downhill from there. He died today as they were bringing him in the house. I was told a few minutes ago, that he was already in the house and they were leading him to the rented hospital bed when he collapsed. He was gone. He was 61.
I had purchased a lot of natural cancer cures for him, but he refused to take them, believing that the doctors would be triumphant in his cure. I can't help wondering if he would have used the natural cures, would he have died.
My research shows that there are 47 proven natural cures.
We are so sad...

I Have Done My Best to Help

Today is Sunday - Nov. 2, 2008

My best friends husband (Jon) is having constant kidney stone attacks and is having a real problem passing them. I have tried to help in any way that I can. I am a firm believer in natural cures and natural aids in living.
I introduced them into Health Science Institute and all that it has to offer in natural cures and advise in living healthy. I am given to believe that they have bought into the institute, as I did, and also ordered the natural extract that provides the comfort level from the kidney stones. This extract will maintain a natural level in the kidney and will not allow a stone to form in the future.
I feel real good that I could help them in something as important as this is.

It Will Take Just Another Minute

Every night, just before I go to sleep, I say a prayer for all those that I feel need a prayer said in their behalf. Of course, my family is a big part of them, but I also include people that I know and believe need help in the form of prayer.
Last year, I included Rachel, lately one of my friends that is dying of cancer (Bill Conlon), now I have included Rachel's husband (Jon) as he has a problem that will be with him the rest of his life. I have been able to control mine through proper diet and liquid intake. The impurities in tap water (minerals and particulates) and foods that are very high in calcium are the main contributors to this condition.
Maybe my prayers will help, they certainly can't hurt.
One of the things I pray for is - I hope I live long enough to actually meet Rachel, Jon and the kids. At least, I talk to them every day, so I guess I will settle for that, at least for now.

I Gambled and I Think I won

I had a growth about a half inch below my left eye and it was getting large enough that it caught on face cloths and towels. When it would catch, it would hurt, big time.
I took a chance and took some white thread and tied a knot around it. This was supposed to restrict blood flow and allow it to die. This didn't happen. Instead it was getting sore and was not stopping blood the flow. In addition to that, I couldn't get the white thread off and I was afraid it would get infected.
So, what did I do?? Well, I got a pair of tweezers and scissors, I pulled it out far enough to cut it off with the scissors. That part didn't hurt, but it bled more than I thought. I stopped the bleeding and of course, what ever it was is gone. I have a smooth face again.

The Last Bandage

Doris and I took off the last bandage off my foot tonight. I just have a band aid with ointment covering the incision on the toe. Tomorrow I will be able to wear real shoes and take a shower. My son, laughingly said, we will all be glad of that. Most of all, I will be glad of that.
Later in the afternoon, 2-o'clock to be exact, I have a doctors appointment to check the first operation, The Double Hernia condition. I will try to get an idea as to when I can go back to work. I don't want to rush it, as in too soon, but I do need to start bringing in some money again.

Today Is a Brand New Day - Never Used Before

Yesterday was as bad a day as it gets. Today is turning out to be a really good day. I found out that I really will have a job when I get ready to go back. My best friend is talking to me as if nothing has happened, that's great. Lastly, I have reviewed a new program that might be my monetary salvation. If it works, I might make over $1000 per month in addition to everything else.
Yes, this is a great day !!!

What Have I Lost Today ???

Today is my best friend's birthday and it has not been a good day. First, I feel I have lost her friendship and I am not sure why. She is being very silent about it. I think it might be because I unwittingly revealed a confidence and her husband figured it out and things have just gotten blown out of proportion from there. I don't really know for sure.
So, what have I lost today ???
1. ) I may have lost my best friend and I am not really sure why.
2.) I am just about broke and I will have to borrow money, my back-up savings is gone.
3.) I have been informed that if I am not back to work by the 21st of November, I will be terminated and have to apply as a new employee. They have changed the hiring requirements for the jobs in the store. The one that I can't pass is the ability to lift in excess of 100 pounds.
There are others too, but I think I can get around them.
This may not be the worst day in my life, but it's close and I am too old for this kind of tension. I am working myself up to a heart attack or something.
I must get my doctors to let me get back to work ASAP or I will be bankrupt for life. If that happens, my life won't be worth living and that's a choice I will deal with then. I am getting sick of failure, both in business and in my personal life.

You Figure It out - I Can't

I am beginning to wonder why I do what I do every day. I wake up and the very first thing I do is get on the computer. Why - - to see if my friend Rachel sent me an e-mail or if she is on the Yahoo Messenger. If I didn't get an e-mail or she is not on the messenger, I go spastic.
Why is that ???
I guess I am so lonely, and I don't have any friends any more, that I look forward to contact with her as ofetn as possible.
Over the period of time I have known her, I have created a bond with her that is stronger than I would have ever thought it could be. I feel certain she feels the same. She is so young and I am so old. What do we have in common that has attracted us to be such good friends. I can say anything to her, no matter what it is, she always seems sympathetic to my needs. I do my best to be sympathetic to her's too.
There is one thing that has happened recently that is of some concern to me. I was stupid enough to reveal on the messenger, information that was not known to her husband (he saw it) and it led to a very heated discussion or family fight. This places her in a position where her husband may not fully trust her, as before, and of course - will she ever trust me with her sensitive information again. I hope she does, as I want things to get back to where it was before.
So, the question still remains, why am I so connected to her???
I call her my Adopted Daughter and I say that I am her USA Dad.
Unwittingly, I believe she has become my obsession, I'm not sure.
That's how much I care for her.
Why Is That ??? ..... I don't know, You Figure It Out !!!!!

What Was I Thinking???

Yesterday, I received an e-mail from Rachel telling me that she had received the refund for an over payment for an order. I was so excited about that I didn't use my head and answered the e-mail by sending her a message on the Yahoo Messenger. I should have known that her husdband would read it as it might be the most prominent displayed screen.

That caused them to get into a heated disagreement and I felt so sorry for her as she had not yet disclosed this purchase to her husband. Probably because he wasn't in favor of it when first approached.

I think that I am at fault because now he can't trust her, and worse, she can no longer trust me to use my head. Had I sent an e-mail, she could have deleted it and that would have been that. It's a terrible thing to have a close friend you can't trust.
I wonder how long it will be before she will trust me again, maybe never !!!
It really is all my fault. I was fully aware of his lack of knowledge of this.
I am so, so, so, sorry

I Feel Sad Today

I am not sure why, but I feel very sad, maybe rejected - I don't know for sure. Even my best friend seems too busy to talk to me.
I am tired of the basin bath, I would like to take a shower. I was on the phone with the doctor's office nurse and she said they are going to remove the bandage, but are going to replace it with another. It may stay on for a week to ten days.
I really need to get back to work, I am running out of money. The last operation cost $15,000 plus and I have no idea what this one will cost. Thank god I have insurance to cover most of it.

One Whole Day On The Messenger With Rachel

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No Pain Today

Today is Friday, just 2 days after my foot operation and I don't have any pain. It's amazing as I really believed that I would be in pain for days. I can hardly believe it.

I was worried about the operation, but now that it's over, I am glad I had it done.

Doris is still having problems with her eyesight. Every now and then her sight narrows to a point and she has to lie down to relieve it. The medical community can't give her an answer.
It's been going on for years, but lately it's very frequent.

My Worst Fears Are Over

I had the operation on my foot this morning and it all went OK. I was very worried about it based on the the information given to me by the last doctor that had worked on me.

I think the very same thing happened this time as the last time, the difference being that they were prepared for it. My reason for thinking this is simply that my throat is very sore, like it was before from the first operation. Who knows, but why would my throat be sore???

There is one thing I really did do, and that is, to imagine I was holding the hands of the 2 people I love the most, just before I was put under. That would be my wife and my very best friend.

Thank God it's all over and I can get back to living my life.

Pre-op Day

I went to the hospital and went through another pre-operational examination preparing for the operation on Wednesday on my right foot.
During the last operation, a month ago, my tongue fell back and closed the airway and they had to act very quickly to get an airway down my throat. I am hoping it doesn't happen again, but it might. I hope they are ready for that this time.
Subconsciously, I knew there was a problem, but I wasn't fully aware of it until today. Deep down, I have been dreading this operation and now I know why. I could have died.

Today Is Sunday

My friend is getting better, or at least she is making every effort to get better and that's a real good beginning. She spends an inordinate amount of time reading up on her disorder, but it seems to be helpful.

I have three more days to go and I will be "Under The Knife" again. I don't know why I am so worried about it, but I am. I think, I will be out of work longer for the foot operation than the hernia operation. It's got to be done, but I will be out of work and no money coming in. Maybe something will break in the other stuff I am into and some kind of money will show up.

I Am Worried About The Next Operation

I dont know why, but I really am worried about next Wednesday's operation on my foot. I know it's just a small thing compared to the last operation, but for some unknown reason, I am worried.
I ordered some more Silver Solution as I gave most of it to my family members that I believed needed it. I will need it when I come home from the hospital next week. I checked the tracking number for it and I will get it just in time, Tuesday.

I still have some savings, but the way it seems to be going, I am worried that we will be out of money before I get back to work. My credit is almost perfect, but in one month, it could be ruined. So, if I do need money, where will I get it.

Important Things That Happened Today

I spoke to Rachel, via e-mail, concerning the possibility that I might loose my pension due to this economic crisis and without reservation she said she would help me in any way she could. That, to me, was a very unselfish act of her.

Obviously she can't help me with real money, but she is willing to try to help me make money on the web. Nobody else will.
She really is my best friend!!!!

Doreen did call today and made my day with her story about her problem at her horse barn.
She said that while being there feeding the horses, she had to shit and there isn't anywhere to go in the barn. So couldn't get to the house as it's a good 300 yards away, so it was run to the woods. After she did what she had to do, she realized that there was nothing to wipe with. So she said she used her underpants. That wasn't enough, so she had to use a sock, then another, and finally her bra. Her rendition of her story was hilarious as she told it to me.
She got her husband to go to the woods and bury the mess. This led to getting a porta-potty at thr barn for future calls of nature.
I was laughing all the way through her story as I thought it was hilarious.

My Friend Still Has Moods, But Not As Bad

It seems as though my friend is still having bouts with her Obsession. I really believe that if she keeps fighting the urge, it will eventually go away. She has recognized that the obsessed is doing his best to ignore her and sees her as a non person or just another roll in the hay.
I am hopeful that with the proper treatment and her inner strength, she can beat this thing. She knows that I will be here to assist her, if I can.

It's Going To Take A While

My Best Friend's problem has been diagnosed as "Borderline Personality Disorder". New medicine, plus some of the old meds have been prescribed. She seems OK, but underneath, I know she is fighting her obsession daily.
She keeps herself busy creating Blogs to keep her mind occupied, as most of them may never be seen by very many people.

Her husband is willing to literally go broke, if that's what it takes to pay for her treatment. he told me it will cost between $450 to $550 per visit to the doctor. His very words were "It's only money and I would rather be broke with Rachel than the alternative". I didn't ask what the alternative, in his eyes, would be.

There is only one way to remove the potential of another problem and that is distance. It would take one of them moving away from Strathmore to avoid any intentional or un-intentional contact. Any kind of contact makes it extremely difficult to maintain composure.

I know how she feels as I too had an obsession about 21 years ago and I had a very hard time getting over it. Distance was the only answer. It's funny though, all through it, I still loved my wife and would always come back to her.

I pray for her daily !!!

I Am Recovering

Today is Sunday - last night I was able to sleep in bed rather than on the couch. I am not so sure I got as good sleep as I was getting on the couch. I woke up at least 4 times and didn't
go back to sleep right away. After I got up, I had a backache and a few other aches and pains I didn't have before. Of course, after I was up for about an hour, the aches and pains dissipated.

The couch allows contour but the bed is FLAT, that is probably the difference.

My Friend Is Back

Today is the second day that I have had a lot of conversation with my best friend. Thank god she is back to normal, as I remember normal. She is being treated for her personality disorder and it seems to be working fine. She is so important to me as I look forward to talking with her every day and sharing her home-maker type problems.

I had a bad night, as I had a lot of pain from the inserted pads used to repair my hernia. I hope tonight is better. Off and on all day today i was feeling the same pains.

Somehow Things Are Different

Today is the second day that I feel shut out of my best friend's life. I used to get up and the very first thing I would do is get on the computer to see if she was on her computer. I would start a conversation and it would last until one of us had to leave to do something. I would wait until she got back to start talking again.

The greatest majority of our discussions were just idle chit-chat, but we are connected through our online businesses. I came to care for her so strongly that I decided to look at her as my adopted daughter and she played along. We shared some very confidential information about our lives and family members. I actually felt as though I was a part of her family due to the detailed information she was giving me, such as, what Chandler was having for breakfast or that Emma was not out of bed yet and had to go to school.

If I am shut out, it will leave a tremendous void in my life that I am not sure how I will handle, as she has become such a great part of my life. I realize that she is having a lot of medical problems right now, but I have repeatedly said that I would help in any way I could, even if all I could do is simply talk to her.

I try to work my on-line businesses, but it's no fun anymore without her to talk to when I am doing stuff. We would share ideas, letters and much more, just to keep a good work related climate. I sincerely hope things get back to the way it was. Her problems have affected me far more than I would have expected.

I pray for her and her family every day and I hope she has not shut me out and this is just me being paranoid.

UPDATE

I just spoke to Jon and he updated me on My Best Friends condition. I had written her an e-mail last night indicating that I thought she had a personality problem and Jon told me she has a personality disorder as diagnosed by her medical doctors. I was hoping I was wrong, but it looks like I was right. That's the reason I thought she shut me out - she hasn't.

I Was Caught By Surprise

Today is Sunday, Sept 21, and I received an e-mail from Rachel, saying that she shared her inner-most secrets with her husband. Not only did she share them, she told him that she would drop everything and go with this man she is obsessed with. All he had to do is ask.
I really believed that she was recovering from all of that and things were going OK. I was wrong.

Rachel needs to recognize that this is an obsession and not love, in any way, shape or form. I want to help her, but I am too far away to be immediately available when she would need me. We all have obsessions in one shape or another. Gambling is an obsession, drinking is an obsession, especially if the drinker is not an alcoholic and sex is an obsession too. Her obsession seems to be targeted to just one person that could care less for her. She has told me that he looks at her as a whore or worse.
She has other friends that live close to her and I think they are doing their best to get her through all of this.

I am so sad for her and feel almost helpless, but I will keep on trying as long as she keeps talking to me. I have gotten to know her over the last year and a half and she is a good person and deserves a good life. I will keep on trying.

I have asked her to talk to me, and she does, but impulsively does things that if she were to ask about, I would advise her a little different, but with good results.

It's Been 11 Days

It's friday Sept. 19th and it's been 11 days since the hernia repair operation. The area around the operation is always hot compared to the opposite side. At night it hurts quite a lot, in fact, it pulsates pain.
When I sit or bend over, I can feel the pads he placed inside of me. They feel like they are 2 inches wide and 3 inches long and there are two of them. I wasn't aware that they would be felt all the time. Certain ways I move, it hurts just from them.
I have an appointment next week with the surgeon and I will discuss this with him. If it gets worse, I might try to see him sooner.
I have been sleeping on the couch for the last 3 nights and before that on the recliner. I really want to sleep in my bed, but I have tried to lie down in bed and it hurts. The bed is too flat and the recliner and the couch has contour, so it doesn't hurt.
I am going to try to sleep in the bed tonight anyway and see what happens.

I Am So Happy For Her

My best friend, Rachel won the prize at the webinar last night. It was $250. She is such a comfort to me. I have become so accustomed to talking to her every day, I don't know how I would feel if she suddenly wasn't there. I Pray for her every day.

Doris had another attack on her sight this morning. I am getting a little worried about that. Also, she is being really nice the last few days. That's a big plus around here.

I haven't heard much from Kim lately since I cut the funds. Doris said she spoke to her for a couple of minutes but just to say Hello and such, nothing in detail.

I'm Happy For My Best Friend Yet Concerned

I am happy for Rachel for many reasons. She seemed so happy today about a lot of things. I only wish every day would be that good for her. I wish she could get past her lows without the use of Weed. Of course, that's wishful thinking. I guess the only concern I would have is while she is puffy-wuffing in the house, the kids are also breathing in the same stuff. If the school were to have a random urine check, like they do here in the states, and Emma would read positive - what would happen then???
My Prayers are with her and her whole family, every day.

Another noteworthy thing to share is that Doris has been exceptionally nice the last couple of days. I hope this keeps it up as it creates a really nice atmosphere here. Doreen spoke to her for a couple of hours yesterday, also Lisa talked to her too. Is there a connection??? Maybe !!!

It's Been A Week

Today is monday and it's been a week since I was operated on. I feel a lot better now even though I can't bend over to pick up something I might drop. (Which I have done).
I don't know how I would have made it this far without access to my laptop. I have been able to keep in touch with the on-line businesses and aquaintences. Most of all, I am able to communicate with my very best friend every day. I feel so trapped here, but I know I will get better, so that's my light at the end of the tunnel.

I still have another operation to go, so I will have to get better from this ASAP so I can endure another painful experience. This time it's the foot and I won't be able to walk very much. I am not looking forward to the foot job and I have been thinking about checking into alternatives.
I guess the question I must ask myself, "Am I getting too old for this kind of medical activity."
I guess if I don't make it it through the next one, then we will know for sure, but then, hey I am only 71 - I have many years to go.

Walking around home or even anywhere else other than work (8hrs a day) seems not to bother me, but the constant hammering of walking on concrete is what I couldn't handle with broken toes.

Today Is A Great Day

Today is Saturday and I have been able to Pooh for the first time in 6 days - Finally !!!! HOORAY !!! I guess the Citrucel did it's job.
I know if I wouldn't have been able to go, I would be back in the hospital. I hope that all will be back to normal, at least the immediate concern is over.
Oh yes, the pain, pushing was all I could bear, but it had to be done.
Phychologically, I feel good, but physically - it still hurts.

I Am So Glad

My feelings seem to go up and down the past few days, I feel good, I feel sick, I feel tired, I have fevers, and sometimes, I'm not sure.
I am so glad that I have someone to talk to that doesn't pick at my feelings. Maybe someday I can return the favor.

I Don't Understand

Doris and I haven't had 20 words between us today, but she accused me of being nasty and uncaring. She said I am giving her a hard time all day. Sometimes I joke about arguing with her for fun, but I never do it - because it's not fun, it's just hurtful.
I know she is also in pain as her knee and lower leg is bothering her. She has been to doctors and she is looking for a quick fix, but wont accept that her problem is SMOKING. She just won't quit and I think it has affected her in other ways. I am on my very best behavior today to see what happens now.

I Am Getting Worried Again

I am running a fever again, but I was Ok 2 hours ago. I am wondering if the stool back-up is causing it. I had a banana and two peaches for lunch. I intend to have a salad for supper, anything that has ruffage in it. I will have to take the pills to keep down the temperature, but I am handling the pain. I will also take another dose of Citrucel and hope for the best.

If things have not changed by tomorrow noon, I will call the doc's office. I know there is something wrong. At least, this doctor won't ignore me as the one did 5 years ago.

I Took A Walk

I know if I don't walk, I will get pneumonia. So, I forced myself to walk to the school and back. I used a cane and my strides were only 6 to 8 inches apart (pee-pee-steps). It took me 20 minutes to walk a 5 minute walk.
I have to continue to do the lung exercises as instructed. All these years and it took something like this to have someone instruct me how to clean my lungs. All I have to do is take 10 very deep breaths and hold each one for 3 seconds. Then exhale each one as if it were almost a cough, but not a cough. Do this 2 or 3 times a day and it will bring up all the nasty flem in my lungs that also cause pneumonia. I didn't know that I also had Apnia (I snore heavily) and when I was placed under the Anesthestic, I lost control and couldn't breath. They had to push an airway down my throat very fast, and because of that, I am still coughing up bloody flem with the exercises I am doing.
Doris is really going out of her way for my every whim, but she still is crabby about the little things. She says her leg and knee hurts, so I will blame her attitude on that

Today Is The Second Full Day

Today is the second full day out of the hospital. Everything still hurts pretty bad. I am going to evaluate whether I should postpone the foot surgery or cancel it all together. I will wait two weeks and then make a decision. It just might be too soon for another operation.

I have not defecated for 3 days and that's not good. I have used Citrucel stool softener and nothing yet, just a lot of gas. Of course, I haven't eaten very much either. I can't sit on the throne and push either, as the pain would be unbearable. I will double up on the laxitive as I think the pain killers are binding me.
I am going to stop taking the pain pills and see how bad it really gets. Maybe I don't need them but I don't know for sure. There is always going to be some pain, so we will see.

Doris is being very helpful, but I wish she would keep quiet and not pick at everything I say and do. Doris must be the only person in the world that is never wrong. Oh well, maybe she is just as upset over my condition as I am - I think I will think of it that way.

I Am Home

The doctor told me and Doris that a lot of my problems were created by the operation that I had August 4, 2003. Some of the severe pain and weird feelings were a direct result of a botched job by the Surgical Urological Specialists.

Funny, I had always suspected there was a problem there from that operation. I had asked my doctor (Dr. Miller) to look into it and get a copy of the medical records. The urologist's office procrastinated over and over as Dr. Miller made more than one effort to obtain them. Dr. Miller died and was never able to follow up. As far as I am concerned, they got away with it purely based on making money. The "No Good Basturds"

In this country, it's a well known fact that after a period of 2 years, you do not have any legal grounds to stand on. They deliberately held up the files because they probably felt that I was going to sue them. My goal at that time was just to get better. I had testicular cancer and they removed the infected one, not only leaving me a half a man but left me with pain that I have endored for 5 years. Had this doctor not been a friend, I may never have known how bad it was.
You could have knocked me ofer with a feather when he said that, but he also made it clear that he repaired everything including the hernia.
Thank God for a decent doctor.

Today is the big day

Sept. 8, 2008.
I know it's supposed to be just a repair thing, but I am really worried.
We will see.

I Feel Better Now !!!

Later Today
I have had some contact with Rachel and Jon and I am happy that all seems OK today.
I know she has a family to take care of, but I wish she had more time to spend talking to me. I guess I am just being selfish. It's just that I don't have anyone else.

Update on Kim !!!
Somehow, she signed a contract with Verizon that has driven her phone debt to over $600 and she doesn't have it. Since it's not a necessity, I will not pay it for her and her boyfriend. Her neighbor lets her use her phone when necessary and she can use the phone at work too.
I told Doris that she will have to get out of this one herself, besides they are both working now.

I Pray There Is No Problem

I spoke to Jon yesterday, via Yahoo Messenger, and he told me that Rachel was really in a low. I hope she soon recovers from this. Jon really loves her as a husband and of course, so does her children and family. Then there is me. I feel so bad as I can't really be there to console her. All I can do is continue to talk to her and try to keep her mind off her problems and on other stuff.

I was really surprised to find out from Jon, that he supported the friendship between Rachel and me. Up until then, I somehow felt that he was not supportive of it. He flatly asked me to keep up the friendship and that he would never stand in the way of that. He felt that my influence on her was very positive. That was important for me to know.

Her and Jon went out last night, with a third friend, and so far this morning, I haven't heard a word from either of them.

I pray there is no problem !!!

I don't know Jon as well as Rachel, but it's obvious that she has stumbled into a Gold Mine when it comes to Jon, he loves her so much and will stand by her - no matter what. That is really rare in todays' world.

A Sense of Accomplishment

September 6, 2008
I have finally been able to keep my daughter, Kim, from using the credit card. She has placed me into debt farther than any other debt that I have. I told Doris to tell her that she only had a few more days to get what ever she needed and it would be out of date. I decided NOT to send her the new card. This is a "Tough Love" decision but she must begin to figure out how to make her own living now. She is 44 years old. I will help her if she really has a problem that she absolutely must need money to solve, as any father would.

I can't talk to Kim like I can with Lisa and Doreen. I don't know why. She only shares information with her mother. She won't even talk to me when she wants money, she always talks to her mother and Doris always says - Go Ahead, don't worry, I will clear it with your Dad.

I called and asked Doreen and Lisa if they might know why Doris (my wife) is always so nasty to me. Well, not always, but most of the time. They both said that she is still dwelling on the one time I was unfaithful. At that time we were both 25 years old. Lisa and Doreen, both have talked to her in great length, but she just don't want to listen. It's been 46 years since this happened and she hasn't forgiven or forgot. All these TV shows that dwell on adultry just puts salt on the wound and feeds her fury. Like the "Maury" show.
Sometimes she seems to not be really with us and constantly asks "What's today?" Lisa thinks that it's possible that a very mild form of Dimentia could be the cause as she has also realized that she seems to have a slight problem. She is 71 and that by it's self could be the problem.

I know she still loves me but, sex has become a memory. She pushes me away, saying that she is not feeling well or that something hurts. I have just given up on that, at least for now.

My Daily Thoughts

September 5, 2008
Today was a pretty good day. I didn't have much pain today, so I was able to get some work done on my websites. I sent out about 327 e-mails today to get things up and going.
I bought 2000 HOT leads for $25 and I will start to use them tomorrow.

I am very worried about my best friend, she is obsessing about someone and it is eating her up alive. She has a good friend that lives next door that is doing her best to keep her occupied. I have a unique relationship with her as I am 71 and she is 34 - I call her My Canadian Daughter and I love her as one. I love to kid her about adopting her, sometimes she goes along with it and other times I am not sure. I am doing my best to keep her involved in her websites and advise her as best I can on anything she may ask me about. We used to talk for hours with e-mails and later using the Yahoo Messenger.

I have an operation scheduled for hernia repair, but I am worried about it as the last time I was operated on in that area, I almost died of blood loss. I also have another operation scheduled for October the 8th on my foot. Something dropped on my foot (at work) and I took the Macho approach and didn't do anything about it. Anytime you go under the knife at my age, it's risky.

Sometimes, I have a very hard time talking to my wife (Doris) as she either says she already knows that or she is watching something on TV and feels that I am interupting her. She has become very sharp when I talk to her any more and wants the bottom line first and then won't listen to the middle.

So at the moment I am on a medical leave from my job at the Ace Hardware store and it's really tough being home and no one to talk to except those I talk to on the web. All my closest friends are deseased or I lost track of them and can't find them as they must have relocated and not told me. I feel so alone, except for my internet friend. I wish I could hug her just one time, but I fear that may never happen, but I never lose hope.